It's been a while
by jaby jay
Summary: All she knew was that it had been a while now since she kissed someone like she kissed him that night.
1. Chapter 1

**It's been a while**

It had been a while since he kissed a woman like that.

His arms encircling her tiny waist as she smiled against his lips.

She bit his lower lip before parting and looking at him straight into his eyes.

She smiled.

She always smiled after they kissed.

Her hands traveled from the back of his neck to his chest, grabbing him by his shirt, and he let his hands rest loosely on her sides, but he didn't smile.

She closed her eyes and nuzzled her head into his neck before giving him one last peck on the lips.

"I'll see you next Monday then?" she asked in a whisper.

He nodded, trying to be oblivious to the fact that she had surprised him by showing up in the crime lab with no notice.

"You don't look too convinced" she commented still looking straight at him.

"I am" he tried to smile as natural as he could, but only a silly smirk left his lips.

"I hate it when you have the night shift" and she put the hair that was falling into her face behind her ear, her brown eyes traveling around the place, noticing some people staring at their love display "Are they always this noisy?"

Grissom looked around and shook his head "We're CSI's, being noisy is our job"

She rolled her eyes "That and the fact that you never bring any date here. Do you?"

He nodded "I don't like mixing work and pleasure"

Then the sound of her beeper started once again, she mumbled a curse before taking her arms from around his neck and looking down "They need me at the E.R" she sighed looking up at him.

"You should go"

She smiled kissing his cheek softly "I know, I just needed my fix of you"

He chuckled as he watched her leave through the dark hall; she was one sexy girl and that was for sure, she was intelligent, witty and good looking and yet when he kissed her there was something about it all that felt out of place. He kept staring at the same dead spot until he felt footsteps approaching him.

He turned around just to meet Catherine's eyes.

"Do you have the results of the DNA test we run on the blood we found in the scissors?" she asked realizing there was something odd about his stare.

He shook his head "I was on my way to see Greg when…"

"Anne showed up" she finished for him, faking a smile all too obviously "We all watched that"

Gil's eyes went from the empty hall to Catherine's eyes, his eyebrow rising as he met her frown.

"What?"

"Nothing. That's a nice girl you got yourself there"

"Hmm" he admitted still not convinced of his own words.

She questioned him with her eyes "What's wrong?"

Grissom frowned as well, he could remember perfectly the first time he had kissed her, he could remember just as well that in that same night he had screwed all chance he had with her. He remembered the way his lips felt against hers, the way his body reacted to her presence. He also remembered how he had slowly started shutting her from his life a while after that, and now standing in front of her he realized why it was that he didn't feel right into another woman's arms.

Into any other woman's arms.

He shook his head trying to forget his line of thought "Nothing" he lied "I'll go check on those results right now"

And his footsteps took him away from her once more.

Her eyes didn't leave his back even when he was long lost.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes turned into her heels and admitting to herself once again that maybe he was never going to come to his senses, that maybe he was a little too proud to recognize his mistakes.

Or even worst.

That he had really moved on this time around.

All she knew was that it had been a while now since she kissed someone like she kissed him that night.

That it was going to be a while before she could ever kiss someone like she kissed him.

Like he kissed her back.

Her heels sounded loud on the lab floor, and she didn't realize when his hand touched her shoulder, she turned meeting his eyes.

"Do you have the result tests?"

He nodded "We need to talk"

"If the results came as we expected then…"

He shook his head shutting her up "No Cath, _we_ need to talk"

She sighed, making a quick nod, trying to hide the little grin that formed in her lips.

She knew exactly what he wanted to talk about.


	2. Chapter 2

He closed the door of his office behind him, watching her as she made her way towards her chair, and it was that at that point in their lives that chair belonged to no one else, he could imagine no one else sitting in it as he worked alone some nights, he could hear no other words but hers coming from that direction.

And he walked, maybe all too slowly for her taste, as if he was measuring every step he took, and the truth was that he was indeed measuring them.

He didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

He couldn't afford it.

He sat.

And she stared back at him, and smiled.

"How long has it been since we didn't sit like this?" her words sounded empty in the silent room.

He shrugged "Too long." He was never the one to express his feeling out in the open, any feelings. And if someone knew that it was her.

Her eyes got lost in the bookshelves behind his back, as if looking for a way of avoiding his eyes "There was a time when we would tell each other everything"

"I guess we've changed, haven't we?"

"Sure" her voice close to a whisper "But…sometimes, don't you wish things could go back to the way they use to be?"

He rose and eyebrow, frowning. And she had to swallow, forgetting as fast as she could how sexy that gesture played on his face "It depends"

"Of what?"

"Of the moment you're talking about"

She shook her head "Any moment was better than this one Gil, we've come too much of a long way to end up like… like this"

"We're not ending up anywhere Catherine"

And she moved her head, crossing one leg over the other to stare straight into his blue eyes "Yes, yes we are" And even though her words sounded all too easy to say she had to stop herself from shaking, from hesitating.

"And where is that? Where is it we're ending up?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing could come out of her mouth, almost not believing his words. She raised her eyebrows standing up, so she could look down at him "You're trying to tell me that we stand in the same position we did… what? A year ago?"

"I'm not saying that Cath, and you kno-"

"The hell I know it Gris…" she cut him off, he only took his glasses from his eyes, leaving them on top of his desk, massaging his temples, not daring to look up as he heard her speaking "We've been kidding ourselves for too long now, it's time we have the conversation we should have had a long time ago. Isn't that the reason you brought me here in the first place?"

He kept staring at his joined hands. When was it that he had lost track of all this? Where was all of this suddenly coming from? "Yes" he said all too cold, all too slowly, all too quite. She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest, and waited.

But he said nothing.

And she couldn't bring herself to ask.

Finally he looked up at her –her reddish blondish hair falling to her shoulders in soft locks, her lips slightly painted a light shade of pink, her body embraced by the fabric of her wine red top and a pair of tight jeans, her skin not all that pale, her blue eyes staring back at him with wonder (something all too close to disappointment) - and he opened his mouth "I guess you do deserve an explanation…"

"That would be nice, yeah" and she smiled softly to the side, walking back towards the chair and sitting once again at his same eyelevel "I'd like that"

"I assumed" he simply stated, and she frowned inquiring him with her eyes. Because he told it as if it was the most obvious fact in the world, as if she would instantly forgive him for everything, forget everything. And this time around –just as many other- she didn't follow him.

"Huh?"

"I assumed Catherine. You know as well as me that one should never make assumptions about anything… especially with this kind of things. I simply assumed things would go back to what they used to be."

She nodded "But they couldn't"

"No, they couldn't"

There was a small silence.

"So you just shut me off, of you life, of your friendship, of your work" she said as if speaking to herself.

He took his glasses and put them back on, stretching back in his chair "What else could I do?"

Her shoulders fell when she understood his line of thinking "Talk to me"

He shook his head "After all I did to you? How could I bring myself to ask you to go back to what we had after I… after I…" and he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Walked away?" she said trying to diminish what he had done, because he hadn't only walked away, he had left her. Plain and simple. She had woken up one day and he was gone, gone of her bed, gone of her house, gone of her heart… but not gone of her life (and that was exactly the problem)

He nodded.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair "And does she make you happy?"

Did she?

Grissom bit his lower lip, his eyes lost in the nowhere "I don't know" he finally answered.

"She should, she's smart, witty, good looking…" she said smiling, friendly "she's a doctor after all; she's even okay with you being a C.S.I."

He looked at her from over his glasses "She's not you"

She laughed, taking it as a joke "Well there's that but-"

"No, I'm serious, she's not you"

Her features changed when she heard the tone in his voice "What… what are you trying to do Gil? I'm really trying to follow up but you're too dense, I can't keep up with this little game you're playing here"

"It's not a game"

She was starting to get exasperated "What is it then!"

"How long were we together Cath?"

She closed her eyes trying to recall "I don't remember… ten months, a year maybe"

"Eleven months and a half, actually"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"How much longer do you think until you stopped fancying me?" he laid back, asking with not only his voice but also his eyes, his hands. He stood up and walked through the room until he was standing in front of her chair. His words sounded too planned to her ears, as if he'd been thinking the perfect way to put it for too long, as if he'd used them a million times before.

She smiled, shaking her head as she looked up at him "This is what it was all about?"

""_Mortal lovers must not try to remain at the first step; for lasting passion is the dream of a harlot and from it we wake in despair."" _He said quoting, and she couldn't help to bury her face in her hands just to look up at him afterwards.

"What's that? Oscar Wilde?"

"Actually is C.S Lewis"

"And you really believe that? You really thought that we, that us was only passion?" And this time she took his hands in hers, so he was forced to kneel down in front of her, this time having to look up to her as she moved one of her hands to his cheek, stroking it gently, she loved the feel of his beard in her skin.

"It was the safest bet" was all he could bring himself to answer, because all his strength was now focused in the way her hand felt against his skin, in the way knew perfectly well how he liked to be caressed.

"No Gil, it was the most idiotic bet to make" and she smiled.

And he couldn't help but to smile back.

"I'm sorry Cath… I really-"

"Don't" and she put her index finger covering his lips, so he couldn't keep talking "No need to apologize now, it's too late for that" and she stood up, walking towards the door slowly, waiting for him to say something, waiting for him to mutter any word, waiting for him to run towards her so she couldn't have to leave.

But it was Gilbert Grissom.

It wasn't Eddie.

It wasn't any other man that had been in her life, in her bed.

It was the one that had managed to get away.

He stood up slowly, still staring at her back, still feeling her finger pressing against his lips, his skin still burning from her touch. It had been too long since they had been like that, and he knew now what he should have done back then…

Exactly the opposite from what he actually did.

She stopped, opened the door and stayed a few seconds at the doorway before taking a deep breath and starting to walk down the hall towards the locker room. He watched silently as she left, and every word that was trying to leave his mouth was once again unspoken.

And he was, all over again the bad guy in the movie.

He took out his glasses, threw them on top of his desk and took the auricular in his hand, dialing a number he had forced himself to learn by heart.

"Hello, darling..." he knew exactly what he had to say.

And this time he couldn't do it on the phone.


End file.
